


I Get It Now

by LittleSweetCheeks



Series: If I'd Known... I never... [8]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Apologies, Forgiveness, Future, Gen, witsec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 22:06:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15253032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: She used to judge him.





	I Get It Now

The first time she’d spotted him in that small mountain town, he’d been outside a local feed store loading fifty-pound bags of something into the bed of a rusty old truck like they were nothing. Like he’d done it every day of his life in his weather worn jeans and his faded flannel shirt. His skin had been tanned dark from the sun, hair longer now and lighter too either from working in the sun all day or the slow graying of age.

She’d froze in place, across the street where she’d just stepped out of the salon. Her brain had told her she recognized him long seconds before it supplied _who_ and _why_. Once she’d worked it out though, she turned on her heel and ran.

The second time she’d seen him, she’d already spent time cautiously asking around about him, careful not to use names in case he was under cover. She found him at his home, using his tractor to do chores around his small property.

The third time was less of an accident and more of a well-timed surprise. She swore she wasn’t stalking him. She’d done her research and put together a profile based on what she knew and for the first time felt herself really feeling bad for thinking all the horrible things she’d thought about his for so long.

She’d gotten the waitress to seat her at the table next to his, sitting alone with her back to him as she ordered. He’d have to make the first move. Before her food even arrived, a shadow fell across the fake wood and she looked up, her face straight.

“May I join you?” His voice was as she’d remembered, but not. It lacked the force and authority she remembered, or maybe that had been only in her imagination.

“I don’t make a habit of eating with strangers.” She looked him right in the eye.

“Ed Gains.”

Nearly choking on her water, she waved him to sit. “Well, Ed, I’ve not seen you around before. New to the area?”

“New enough.”

They lapsed into silence until the food arrived. “If I’d known then what I know now… I never would have said some of the things I said.” She could see him thinking, wondering where she was going with this. “Once upon a time I thought I was the victim of a man who was so rigid in his thinking that he couldn’t see things my way, couldn’t possibly understand how it felt to be a victim inside my own home. To have that security ripped away. I took him allowing me autonomy to say what I could and could not handle as him not giving a damn about me.” She pushed a fry around her plate. “And… I was really wrong. He was a good guy and… I think at some point he was my friend.” She didn’t look up at him. “And I said and did some things to hurt him.”

He didn’t speak, just sat, waiting.

She shrugged one shoulder as if what she was saying didn’t carry any weight. “I tried to bury my head in the sand about him, I didn’t want him to have any power over me but… I couldn’t do that. Through the news and online I watched him spend a decade slowly destroying himself. Chipping away at himself so other people could have a chance at being whole.” Chewing her lip, she glanced around the diner. “Do you have children, Ed?”

His face fell. “I had a son, he passed away some years ago. I do have a nephew who is close to the same age that I get to see from time to time.”

“They live nearby?”

He nodded. “Why… If you felt this way…about your friend, why have you never told them?”

“It hurts to admit that I judged him so wrong. He offered me support, guidance, forgiveness even I guess, and I accused him of things.”

“They say time heals all wounds.”

She snorted. “Maybe most of them but I think sometimes… Sometimes time just makes the memory of those wounds less painful. So long as you aren’t reminded of them.”


End file.
